I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
