You made me cry and you don't even care
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Sober January is a disaster.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
