I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
