is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
