What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
how drunk are you?
Several
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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