i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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