She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
