Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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