oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize