I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
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