I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
