it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
