Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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