In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
