there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
