last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
