Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
