Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
