apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
