oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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