People in love make me want to vomit
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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