Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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