i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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