Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
