Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
