Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
