We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
