dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
