He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
ugly people sure do ruin things
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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