I puked a lego.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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