i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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