At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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