I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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