My first STD was from a foam party
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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