dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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