You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
