I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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