Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
