I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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