I think my vagina is haunted
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
That accounts for only three of the penises
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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