I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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