She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
