i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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