so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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