My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
