girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
