In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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