i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
