you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize