After last night, I could never be a politician.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
