umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
