My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
