Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
