u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize