he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
