I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
