Kiss
Puke
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
