I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I can't turn off my feet"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
