I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize