things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
