So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
