there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
