remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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