She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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