hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
