I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The ass gains better be worth it
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