it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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