Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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