Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
