there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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