your parents love me but you hate me
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
