so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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