why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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