Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
