sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
