i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
