Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
