my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Panties = found
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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